I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
