My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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