i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
