remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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