I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
