glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize