Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
