turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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