he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
only you would photoshop your dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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