You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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