i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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