drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
