Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
