I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Even my vagina gasped.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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