i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
