Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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