i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize