she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
