Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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