K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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