I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
