U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
