well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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