Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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