I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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