Already got asked if we're dating
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
