so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
