I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
