You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
