Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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