textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
