he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
