the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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