I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
