is your mom at the bar?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
