Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
