At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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