I got chris browned last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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