Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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