It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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