Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
