You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
