Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A bitchslap is in order.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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