I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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