the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
