I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
