So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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