He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
