her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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