do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
