I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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