If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
