There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
