Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
