Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
