Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
