Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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