with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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