you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
