PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
