Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
