If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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