I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
