I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
