So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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