Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
