I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
