do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
