R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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