I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
