some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
