So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
