I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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